I think I shall have a mental breakdown very soon. I don’t know what the hell keeps me sane all these time, but I can barely contain myself any longer. I’ll probably explode anytime soon.
“I’m gonna have another bath,” she said, as she raced towards the bathroom, not wanting to hear further arguments or protests from her partner.
Then she poured the hot water into the bathtub while she let her mind wander.
“Perhaps I should have just drowned myself while I bathe later.”
Then after the tub was filled, she took off her clothes and jumped in.
She felt the warmth of the water and she felt surprisingly comfortable. So she closed her eyes for a while.
Then she opened her eyes.
She stared blankly at her legs as she sat on the tub. She wrapped her hands around her legs in the water as she lay her chin on her knees.
Then suddenly all the emotions she’d been keeping inside flowed uncontrollably as tears ran down her cheeks.
She made sure she didn’t let out a single sound while she let her tears out.
She washed her face, hoping that the tears would be mixed up with water, and as she felt the water dripping from her face, the tears were still pouring out, still distinguishable from the water.
So she splashed some water on her face again.
She sat there for a while, trying to calm herself down, as well as making sure that there were no tears left when she left the bathroom later.
After the tears finally stopped, she drowned herself for 5 seconds in the water before she finally stepped out of the tub and drained it.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror as she dried herself with the towel.
No tears left. And her eyes–as well as her facial expression–looked normal. As normal as anyone who had just bathed without crying.
She let out a sigh and stared intently at her reflection. Would she cry again when she left the bathroom? Could she contain herself if she heard something painful after this?
After she made sure that she wouldn’t cry anymore she opened the door.
Although the pain didn’t leave, she could ignore it now.
Painful, yes, but she could live with it. She’d borne it all this time, after all, and she did it on her own.
Yes, on her own.
“Like God never exists. If He did, He never seem to care anyway.”