Related to my post The Ogoh-ogoh Festival where I visited my granddad in Denpasar during Nyepi celebration, this post is meant to advertise and publicize my family business.
On my last stay in Denpasar, I found out that my family has just built a very nice, comfy boarding house that is available for rent. The monthly fee is around IDR 1 million and a half up to two, if I had not mistaken (around US $ 155 – 200 something). But apparently, especially during the high season, the room is also available for rent daily for no more than IDR 200,000 per night (about US $ 20.58). All rooms are with AC, TV, one queen size bed, a drawer, closet, a sink, and a bathroom with a shower and a toilet. No breakfast available, but I can assure you that right in front of the alley where the boarding house is located, you’d find a lot of local warungs (a very small diner place) where they sell Indonesian food varying from the Javanese food to Balinese food (means they’d definitely contain pork), at a very affordable price. Of course, you won’t get the same luxury like the one you’d get from foreign franchise restaurant around Kuta, and there are no fancy food, but this means that the price is also very different. A meal could cost you less than IDR 10,000 (about US $ 1.5). And in my opinion, this is the real Denpasar, not the fancy tourism spots where all around you are expensive hotels and restaurants. But if you’re looking to shop and visit those tourism spots, it’s only 20 minutes away by car.
The parking lot inside the alley.
My granddads and my great-grandma clean the place by themselves every morning, and my granddad’s house is right next to the boarding house.
So, please, I would ask your favor to tell your friends and families who plan to visit Denpasar about this place. It’s located in an area known as Pekambingan, on Jl. Nusakambangan 42. Nearby, there’s a famous souvenir shop called Erlangga. If you’re interested, feel free to call my one of my granddads, Made at +62 818 553732.
Another masterpiece by Pramoedya, I have to admit this book has taken me by surprise. The title said it from the beginning: “Tempo Doeloe: Antologi Sastra Pra-Indonesia,” and once I accidentally opened the book halfway before I started to read it, I was mixed with both surprise and thrill to find out that the book is written with the old Indonesian spelling.
The book, compiled by one of Indonesia’s most prominent writer, contains 8 short stories written not by Pram himself, but instead by various different writers in during the late 19th to early 20th century. This was when Indonesia was known as the Dutch East Indies back then. Even though he did discussed a number of literary works written in that era, Pram said that he decided to collect and select only the ones with similar theme that could chronologically sum up the progress of the politics-social-economic situations of the citizens, especially the ones that keeps getting worse towards the natives, starting from the 17th century up to the 19th century. Pram also decided not to change the language style and spelling of the original versions, although I kind of wonder whether he at least simplified it–and this is what I had previously stated as the one that had taken me by surprise earlier. Only recently finishing another book by Pramoedya, Sang Pemula, I decided to move on to this book just because Pram kept referring to this book in his biography of R. M. Tirto Adhi Soerjo. As soon as I found out that the stories are written in Bahasa Melayu Pasar (Malay), I recalled my experience of struggling with the language style used in Sang Pemula, which mostly consisted of articles written by Tirto Adhi Soerjo in Malay language used during his time. Therefore, it’s no wonder that I only expected to meet the same struggle. Turned out I was wrong, and this was what had really strike me.
Despite the old spelling and the old style, as well as the use of words that has now either unused or change in meaning, I found it much easier actually to understand the meaning. Even much easier than when reading Sang Pemula. Pram did provided footnotes for each stories with explanations of those long-forgotten words, but many times I found it unnecessary because I already deduced the meaning, and when I decided to double check, I only found confirmation of what I had guessed before.
Now, the 8 short stories in the book are: Dari Boedak Sampe Djadi Radja (A Slave Who Becomes A King) by F. Wiggers–which tells a story of Surapati, Pieter Elberveld by Tio Ie Soei, Tjerita Rossina (A Story About Rossina) & Tjerita Si Tjonat (A Story About Tjonat), both by F. D. J. Pangemanann, Tjerita Njai Dasima (A Story About Njai Dasima) by G. Francis, and the last two are Tjerita Kong Hong Nio (A Story About Kong Hong Nio) & Tjerita Nji Paina (A Story About Nji Paina) written by H. Kommer.
Looking into an insight of the Dutch East Indies, we could find out more about the condition and situation of the era from multiple perspective (the Natives’, the Chinese’s, and the Indo’s). My personal favorites are Tjerita si Tjonat and Tjerita Kong Hong Nio.
I did learned that the Dutch used to enforce a racial politics where people were supposed to dressed up based on their race, and they would need formal letter of permission to allow themselves wearing outfits belonging to other racial groups. Or that the term “Islam” or “Slam” was used to address the Natives, regardless of their actual religion.
Of course, as a language geek, the language style and the old spelling are amongst those that really intrigued me. Even simple stuff such as “kabaja” that apparently means pajamas, or the term “peloek dada” (literally “hugging one’s own breast”) means folding your arms, and “menjaru” means to disguise yourself, even those really captivates me.
What’s even more interesting is the thought-provoking comments on the back of the book that the enforced New Spelling created by Soeharto’s regime during the New Order is merely politics in disguise, yet it had unfairly treated literary works belonged to the previous Order as old and outdated.
Overall, again, I would highly recommend this book to you who are interested in Indonesian history, or you who are just a language geek like me (I’m still checking my geekiness level… Hold on), or perhaps are interested to the history of Indonesian language. I think at this point we can safely assume that I already fell in love with this book.
Watching Kecak dance was actually one of my priority in my to-do-list when I was visiting Denpasar last month for Nyepi. From one of my fellow blogger’s blog, he wrote that the best spot to watch this famous dance is in Uluwatu, near the temple, because they have one of the most beautiful view compared to other spot. There you could watch the sun set while at the same time enjoying the performance. I tried to watch it last year during an office outing, but unfortunately I was way too late by the time I got there, and I was very disappointed. So this time, I set my mind to not miss it the second time.
As usual, I’m gonna put a link that’ll direct you to a full explanation of the dance from Wikipedia, but in short, basically Kecak is a traditional Balinese dance that revolves around the Ramayana story. What’s really unique is that no musical instrument would accompany this dance. In exchange, a group of males would serve as an a cappella background chorus. The dance would start and end with them. But before they enter the stage, there would be a priest (or supposedly priest) sitting in the center of stage and pray. You can read the full story of Ramayana from the same Wikipedia link I provided you, but in general, the story would start from the time when Rahwana saw Sinta and plotted to take her from Rama’s side. So he first disguised himself as the golden deer, trying to lure Rama–which worked, because Sinta got bewitched by the magical creature and asked Rama to hunt it for her. As he left Sinta’s side, unknown to him, Rahwana then disguised himself a second time as a very old man, thirsty and weak. Sinta felt pity for him and offered him her help. Little she knew that the old man is not thirsty at all. So she felt captive into Rahwana’s hand.
Now, just like a typical fairy tale, Sinta, as the helpless heroine waits patiently for help (or helps), as she persistently rejects Rahwana. Garuda Wisnu Kencana first come to aid. But Rahwana breaks one of its wings, and defeats it. So Rama send the powerful monkey Hanoman to free his beloved wife. He gives the monkey his ring as a proof that it is sent by Rama to help Sinta. So Hanoman meets Sinta and shows her the ring. Then, as Hanoman fights Rahwana and his minions, he is captured and tied to be burnt. But because of his great power, the fire does nothing to him. He showcases his might by breaking the tie and get rid of the fire, as well as defeating Rahwana. And basically that’s where the story ends in Kecak dance. There’s more to it, of course, but not in Kecak.
Of course, this is based on the performance I saw in Uluwatu. Garuda Wisnu Kecana (GWK) park also holds this awesome dance for a more affordable price, but of course, the view is not as beautiful, and from what I heard, the one in Uluwatu is currently the most popular. But honestly, I’m pretty curious. Perhaps the next time I visit Denpasar, I’ll watch the dance in GWK and judge for myself which one I like better.
Quote taken from one of Sir Ken Robinson’s talk at TED: Ideas Worth Sharing, “Sir Ken Robinson said school kills creativity.”
If you’re interested, please visit also my page containing my sketches. There’s also another sketch page dedicated to my drawings for my students, usually put together along with my corrections or feedback of my students’ writings. However, as of this post, I’ve decided that I won’t add another picture in My Sketches Page. Instead, I am going to post my future sketches one by one as I drew it on the post page here. Feedbacks or comments are still welcomed, of course. As for now, ciao!
P.S. FYI, this is my very first time drawing in this kind of style. Previously, I always draw a more childish, comical figures, like the ones in my comic post (click here and here). Despite trying to draw a real person’s face, I have to tell you that I don’t really think this resembles Sir Ken Robinson at all. Sigh.
So, after months of procrastinating, as well as distraction from my guilty pleasure of Amanda Scott’s Scottish historical romance, I finally finished my reading on Sang Pemula, another masterpiece by Pramoedya. Literally means “The Pioneer,” Sang Pemula is a non-fiction works containing a biography of Raden Mas Tirto Adhi Soerjo, the father of Indonesian press, and dubbed, if not by Pramoedya alone, as the one who sow the seed of Indonesian national movement in the early 20th century.
If you’ve read, or familiar already with Pram’s famous masterpiece the Buru Quartet, it might delight you to know that this is book is the very biography of the person who became the inspiration of Pram’s main character, Minke, in his famous quartet. I sure got very excited when I found this book in my aunt’s bookshelf. I never thought this book even existed!
Due to the lack of available, preserved articles and sources, most are far from intact and in good condition, Pramoedya could only seemed to gather so much.
The R. M. Tirto Adhi Soerjo (or also famous as T. A. S.) really existed in the late 19th century of Indonesia. Born in 1880, he was of a Javanese noble family who went so far to a medical school only to drop out later. Already writing series of articles from the early age, he started out as a journalist and later published and circulated his own newspaper. His articles were known to consist of harsh critics and very bold, creating a lot of enemies, especially from the government he definitely opposed. His newspapers were the first to use Malay, and amongst these were Soenda Berita (1903-1905), Medan Prijaji (1907), and Poetri Hindia (1908). Too modern for his time, he stuck me as not only open minded and critical, he was as well a humanitarian and feminist. However, just as depicted in the last part of Pram’s Buru Quartet, Rumah Kaca (House of Glass), those opposing him were determined to shut him up and erased his name of the history. In some ways, this might be true. Not as many people know him as they do Ki Hajar Dewantara despite his just-as-important contribution. And even though the Indonesian government finally acknowledged him and his effortless works, even named him the father of Indonesian modern press, Pram clearly thought that he hadn’t got the recognition and reward he’d deserved.
The book includes several news articles and opinion written by T. A. S. himself, as well as two short stories (one with missing parts) and one incomplete serial–all fiction works. Those works, along with his biography provides us many insights of the life of people, especially the oppressed natives, at that time.
What really interests me, as well as amazes me is the language used in the book, varying from the older style dating back from the late 19th century up to the ones from not so long ago during Pram’s era. I can’t believe how fast the language is evolving that even though Pram’s tried to simplify some of the words and sentences, it struck me that I still find the language used by Pram (which means that it’s also the Indonesian language used during the time Pram compiled the book) very different from the ones I’m seeing and using right now, and it’s only with difficulty that I finally grasp partly, if not fully, what each of the sentences mean.
All in all, I’d highly recommend this book to those who are a fan of Pram’s works, as well as those interested in Indonesian linguistics and history. But this book is a very serious reading that I actually feel like procrastinating once in a while whenever I’m in need of a lighter reading.
March 12, 2013 was a Nyepi day for the Hindus. Earlier in late February my granddad called me to invite me to come and see the Ogoh-ogoh Festival. He knew me too well, tempting me with religious, and culture festival to get me to come visit him in Denpasar. I’ll explain further, of course, and write more about my latest visit there, but I want to apologize first for procrastinating. As usual, procrastination always get the better of me, so instead of writing this as soon as I got back to Surabaya, instead I lingered and only now I that I finally typing this down as I’m sipping down my hot Americano at the nearest Starbucks.
The Ogoh-ogoh Festival I was talking about took place one day before the Nyepi day. Just in case you have no idea what “Nyepi” is and what is there to celebrate, please check or google it first, because I don’t plan to explain the detail here. You can also click the link here that’ll direct you to the Wikipedia description of Nyepi.
Briefly, during Nyepi the whole city is dead. No lights, no electricity, nothing at all. The ideal Nyepi would be for the Hindu-Balinese to literally do nothing. Even eating. Ideally, they would fast for 24 hour, starting from 6 AM (although the blackout would start the day before when sun set and it’s dark already) to 6 AM the day after. And during that silence, they would pray, or for the less religious ones, they would ponder, and do a self-reflection, thinking about their sins and giving thanks for things that they’re grateful for. Or something like that (please correct me if I write the wrong information). “Nyepi” itself means “quiet.” The streets would be literally empty since no one is supposed to go outside their house, except for the Pecalang, few people who are chosen to guard the streets, making sure no one’s out there to dishonor the Nyepi day. Exceptions are made only for emergency, life-threatening and security reasons (e.g. a security guard guarding a building). Even at night, I heard that the Pecalangs are still out there, making sure the lights are all off. Yet, my grandpa told me that now only very few people still do that. Most people would just stay at home idling, but they would still eat and do their routines at home. Of course, if they eat, most food would be prepared the day before, so on Nyepi, they wouldn’t have to cook.
As for the Ogoh-ogoh festival I referred to earlier, Ogoh-ogoh refer to a huge figure, created months before Nyepi, usually take their form of a scary monster they refer to “Buto Ijo,” which would later be paraded around the neighborhood in the afternoon until dark, and meant to be burnt by the end of the festival. I heard this is to symbolize the rid of evil. I suppose they believe that the evil, sometimes represented by the scary “Buto Ijo” would be scared with the fire burnt by the people, and when he meant to return the next day, he’d meet instead a dead city (everyone would “Nyepi” inside their houses) and so he decided not to return and move on. Depends on how big it is, an Ogoh-ogoh is usually paraded by a group of young people (varied from teenagers to adults), and for the smaller size, kids would take over the parade. Nowadays, though, there are a lot more variations to the shape and size of Ogoh-ogoh. I actually saw one resembling Spongesbob Squarepants, along with his snail, Gary, and Plankton. However, a few years ago apparently the Denpasar governor made a competition to exhibit these Ogoh-ogohs at Lapangan Puputan (Puputan Field). I suppose this is also created for a tourist attraction (and perhaps explains why it’s not getting any quieter or less crowded even though Nyepi is coming). The Ogoh-ogoh created for the competition usually take more conventional form. They usually made to look like the a huge monster, or a knight from Pewayangan riding a monster, or it would take form of two monster dueling against each other. Then another group of people would follow behind, bringing traditional musical instrument, playing traditional music. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be there for the announcement, because I heard the winner would be announced the week after. But it gets better. Apparently, aside from the Ogoh-ogoh made for the competition, other Ogoh-ogoh takes more varied forms, from Spongesbob to a giant Mummy, and the background music following them are also much more modern. As I walked back home from Lapangan Puputan, I saw a massive parade of Ogoh-ogoh, with giant speakers on a separate “carriage”, playing dub-step and techno music. The people parading them would stop to dance for a while as they stop to wait for the Ogoh-ogoh in front of them to move.
Of course, there are a lot more to my trip than just the Ogoh-ogoh festival, but that’ll be another post. As for now, I hope you enjoy the photos of Ogoh-ogoh I took.
This is a biographical movie telling the love story of the former Indonesian president, B. J. Habibie and his one and only wife, the late Hasri Ainun Besari (later Ainun Habibie). Adapted from a book with the same title, written by Habibie himself, this movie takes the audience into a roller-coaster of emotion revolving around their life. Going back to the days when they were together in high school, the movie portrays further their life onwards up to the day Ainun passed away, which means this include the day they got married, moved to Germany, and then went back to Indonesia and the day Habibie became the vice president and later, the 3rd president of Indonesia.
“Habibie & Ainun” Movie Poster
The lead actor, Reza Rahadian, is one of the main reason I so badly wanted to see this movie. I saw him acted before in three different movies which I’ve come to like: Alangkah Lucunya (Negeri Ini), 3 Hati 2 Dunia 1 Cinta, and Tanda Tanya, and his performance in this movie haven’t change my opinion of how good he is as an actor. I never really saw him act like he was in the movie–he became a completely different person, with a different attitude and even the way he altered his intonation and articulation when he speak is brilliantly meticulous. Of course, I might be clouded by me being a fan of his already, but I do think it deserves an applause.
As for the lead actress, the prominent Indonesian actress Bunga Citra Lestari played Habibie’s wife, Ainun. I believe that Bunga (also known with her initial: BCL) is a very good and talented actress, and she did played Ainun wonderfully. My favorite scene is probably (SPOILER ALERT!) the one when she got homesick during the early years of her marriage with Habibie, and she tried to hold it back inside, but when her husband asked, she finally spilled and cried. Another one is the scenes when she got diagnosed with ovarian cancer and finally hospitalized. Probably one of the most touching scene throughout the movie, we could see a very strong connection between Habibie and his wife when he got anxious waiting outside the operation room and insisted to get inside and accompanied his wife because he thought she might be worried about him. Then when he finally got in after the operation, he asked gently what got Ainun worried sick. She weakly shook her head when he asked whether she felt any pain (there’s one more question but I forgot), but she finally nodded her head when he asked whether she’d been worried about him instead. Then he reassured her that he’d taken his meds (he was diagnosed with tuberculosis early in the movie, when he was still young). Most certainly, this got me and the girls sitting next to me sobbing badly. And the way BCL depicted Ainun’s last days on bed, when she got very sick that she could not talk and had to struggled hard to merely lift her hands was really touching and brought me into tears. However, I don’t think this movie has really shown the extent of what BCL could do with her act. For me, at least, it’s not enough.
Reza Rahadian as Habibie & BCL as Ainun
One thing that got me pretty disappointed is the lack of a full portrayal of the time when Habibie got involved in politics and then elected as the vice-president to the late Soeharto. All we see is Habibie got home one day after the night before promising Ainun a cruise trip, telling her that they might have to delay that because he’s gonna be the vice president of Indonesia. Of course, later I remembered that this is a story of both Habibie AND Ainun, not just Habibie himself, but still, I was hoping they would show more of his journey of becoming the vice president. But again, I haven’t really read the book itself, Habibie & Ainun, so I don’t really know whether Habibie also wrote a lot about that one as well or not.
But overall, I really enjoy the movie, and despite usually preferring other movies than a cliché and cheesy romance, I’d definitely looking forward to buy the DVD later. …or maybe I again got clouded by this idea that no matter how cheesy these romances are, they did happened for real.
I’m not sure whether this is a movie guys would want to see because I know several guys who did watched it and liked it, and I also know those who lacked interest in watching it (which made it so hard for me to find companion to watch it), but I’d definitely recommend this movie.
FYI, this movie is delivered in two different languages: Bahasa Indonesia and Germany, but movies like this usually got me in doubt of how good the foreign language is in the movie (in this case, the Germany language), so I don’t know whether the Germany spoken by Indonesians in the movie a natural, good Germany or a broken one instead, but considering the frequency of the language spoken (which is a lot), I’d assumed that it has to be quite good, at least.
RosganiSoft Mobile Article
Kumpulan artikel yang pernah saya buat tentang Tips & Trick, Gadget, perangkat konverjensi dan Mobile Internet. Ikuti @Rosgani di Twitter http://www.mobile-article.com
Rubik Bahasa
Do you speak Bahasa Indonesia? Get to the geeker side of Bahasa Indonesia as you learn the language in depth
Alkisah
Wimbo’s Blog – Most post that I’ve read are written in English. Feel free to visit!
Cakar Ayam
Isinya tulisan ngga nggenah dan ditulis dengan bahasa yang ngga nggenah – Another friend’s blog.
Chocolate Column
music.movie.communication.language.share. – another friend’s blog, and most posts are in bahasa Indonesia, but worth-reading! Visit and give it a try!
Danielle and Brandon's Adventures in Salatiga, Indonesia
We are beginning a three year term of service with Mennonite Central Committee. We will be working at Satya Wacana University in Salatiga, Indonesia. We will be teaching English Literature.
Elle Zed
Lauren Zentz’s blog – She was once a lecturer in the English Dept at Satya Wacana, Salatiga.
hanya bercerita
Dini Prameswari’s Blog – hanya bercerita Sekedar potongan-potongan tentang hidup saya yang sangat bergelombang. but that’s life aight? just enjoy the show.
IT'S A JUICED THINGS
Julius’ Blog – A simple boy…. Born with little extra curiosity about the world.
LiveliciousGifts
So lively. So delicious. Just my perfectly life made by God.
Mad To Travel
Another travel blog by my friend Courtney. Check it out!
Mad To Travel
A traveling blog by a friend of mine. She’d travel to various countries and won’t stop yet! Read her adventures by clicking the link!
Simply Sari
call me Sari, I’m a simple chubby lady, a coffee drinker, chocos eater, dreaming to become a beaches adventurer. what in here will be something that pops up in my mind or things that I captured with my camera. enjoy it, reblogged it, love it, do as you
The Content Guy
Best Forwarded Emails – The blog contents are forwarded unique emails.
True Colors
My life and our life as human (if you could open and read my blog, i supposed that you are human^^) do not have only black and white colors. There are friendship, joy, laugh, sorrow, tears, family, and many things happen in our life that make our life bec
Teaching Nonsenses
BrainPOP
Animated Educational Site For Kids – Science, Social Studies, English, Math, Arts
English as 2nd Language
These articles will help identify your weak points, learning style and learning goals while providing useful tips and steps to improve your English learning in class and at home.
Englishtips.org
Join Englishtips and discover tons of learning materials – all totally free!
ESL Printables: English Worksheets, lesson plans and other resources
Welcome to ESL Printables, the website where English Language teachers exchange resources: worksheets, lesson plans, activities, etc. Our collection is growing every day with the help of many teachers. If you want to download you have to send your own co
Grammar Gang
Adventure across the hemispheres – where Owls, Possums and Kiwis meet
Grammar Girl
Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing
Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL)
The Online Writing Lab (OWL) at Purdue University houses writing resources and instructional material, and we provide these as a free service of the Writing Lab at Purdue. Students, members of the community, and users worldwide will find information to as
WorksheetWorks.com
Hundreds of worksheets. Millions of combinations. – Educational materials made right now, to your specifications.
The Short and the Long of it
Give me 3 words and I’ll write a short story or poem using them. Please be sure to comment, I’d love to hear what you have to say! Check out the “About” page, or add to the “Feel Good List”
The perspective we use to see the world is the world's perspective to see us.
Religion is a set of rules using the name of God (and the religion itself) to make people obey them.
Promises are mere words unless they came true.
Religion is no more than a tool used to justify human's action, especially when it comes to judging, discriminating, and killing.
A smile, even when forced, does cure your mood even juz a BIT!
Books and movies teach us how life's supposed to be, but reality is the one teaching us how life turns out to be.
From books (and movies), we learn so much. We learn about life, love, despair, hatred, regret, sadness, and happiness. At the same time, those are the least things books could teach us about reality.
Life is what happened before the fairy godmother showed up.
Life is what happen when the fairy godmother doesn't show up.
When life becomes simple, it gets boring. When life becomes complicated, it gets annoying.
When you care less, you worry less.
"No pain, no gain." So when you have nothing to gain, there shouldn't be any pain, right?
Should have never believed in the word 'forever.'
"Double checking never hurts."
There are so many ways to say 'hello' in different cultures and languages. Surprising there's only one way to kiss and have sex.
You think you know me? Better think twice.
When you wanna be me, you juz haven't seen the whole picture. Dead serious.
Tell others nothing. Just let them guess your life, and you get the fun;)
Behind every strength, there's weaknesses. When you say someone is strong, you just haven't spot the weaknesses.
When you wanna be somebody else, you just dunno yet how's it like to be dat 'somebody else'.
Nothing is ever permanent.
Believe that there's always reasons behind something. God is the only exception.
There's actually no such thing like mr. Right or the Perfect Man. Your heart just choose it.
Guess from his point of view, we're no different with a lil child fooling around. But what do we know about wad God's thinking, eh?
When somebody wants to be you, they just dunno yet what it's like to be you.
U dun judge the book by its cover, u judge the book by its content.
Time flies in a second, and changes take place, no matter wad. Ready or not, here life comes!
One of the most amazing moments of creation is when God created our brains. I think it's fair enough if I say dat our brains can probably be categorized into one of the world's wonders.
To be with God for an hour is not enough... And yet you can spend the rest of your life to not be with God.
Life is a game where you have to take part in it.
We are responsible of our own life, aren't we? So don't blame me for your miserable life, 'cuz once a stale fish, u're a stale fish.
Dun ever brag to others like u're the most miserable person on the planet. U've no idea wad they've been thru!
At some point, human is actually no more than juz a selfish & mean little creature who'll do anything to get wadever they want.
When you're depressed, sometimes thinking of others makes you feel like suiciding.
Don't ever do something you'd regret. Even if you can't help it, stop regretting. Life happens once only, so why should we fill it with regrets?
Life juz happens for once, why should we delay to do something we want?